Title: Curse of Chucky
Starring:
A bunch of people that look familiar, but you’ve probably forgotten from where.
A doll.
A psychotic three-foot tall doll terrorises a household.
Enough about my last relationship, let’s talk about the movie.
A woman in a wheelchair takes delivery of a package.
Inside that package is an ugly-looking, quite large, talking doll that turns out to not only have an actual personality, but a fairly major disorder to go along with it.
For the next hour or so, we get to watch the mad little bastard scurry around, killing off people.
Fun stuff.
One of those people killed (If you think that’s a spoiler alert, you’re not really paying attention) is the main character’s sister.
I’m not sure if it was for the purpose of the character portrayal, or simply a case of being a little overzealous with the Botox, but seriously, this woman’s face didn’t change from a mild look of surprise, regardless of the actual emotion she was supposed to be acting out. Even when she had a knife stuck in her eye, she looked like she had just let slip a fart in an art gallery, rather than being murdered by a doll.
Now whatever you do, stay alert through the movie, because somewhere in the middle of it there’s a stunning lesbian twist! I missed it because I was in the middle of a particularly strenuous yawn at the time.
So, people are getting knocked off left right and centre, but our heroine in the wheelchair is still kicking.
“But she’s in a wheelchair! She can’t kick!” I hear you exclaim.
Well, you would think so, but it’s amazing what being chased by a psychotic doll with a large butcher knife will do.
After setting up the notion that our heroine can’t move or feel her legs by inflicting a nasty gash on her without her noticing, then later having an axe embedded in her kneecap without a whimper of pain, she then goes and ruins the whole image. As she is knocked out of her wheelchair by the big bad Chuckster, she desperately drags herself across the floor to the elevator. Chucky, having half the stuffing knocked out of him, slowly advances on her. Hurry, lady in wheelchair (I can’t actually remember her name), hurry! She gets closer to safety. Chucky advances even closer! She’s halfway into the elevator, Chucky is almost upon her! He’s going to get her! No! Thankfully at that moment, she pulls her knees up so she can close the door after herself.
Well, fuck me stupid.
Who knew that paraplegia could be cured with a knife wielding maniacal redhead?
If only Christopher Reeve was still alive to test the theory further.
Anyway, I won’t spoil the ending for you.
I’ll leave that to Jennifer Tilly.
Two gerbils.
Curse of Chucky
